2015-05-15 19.30.00

(but it still sucks)

I have been underlining this fact in my words ever since my swift rejection from the Horizon Centre’s PhD programme. It’s there in my conversations about the interview, edging my words with a glitter of doubt and the supportive words and encouraging motions from friends, family, strangers remind me that I’m the only one I need to convince of this fact.

So… It wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t the right thing. Maybe later, maybe something else – still an achievement to be shortlisted. Doubt glitter static fastens itself to me in droves and I share it around, looking to be comforted in this act of sharing. Glitter, as a friend once told me,  is ‘the herpes of craft supplies’ and almost (but not quite) impossible to get rid of. Share it around, rub it off on someone else and generally get on with it, girl.

Coming out of a month of receiving possibly life changing emails, prepping for the chance of a new life I felt deflated and drained. Ready to pack it in and hide in a cave of my own creation. The BCCA residency, which I had applied to at the beginning of the year, was a goal post on the path away from all of that. If not this residency, then what was I bothering with all of these lengthy applications for anyway.

I did it, it was great. I have since not transcribed over a single word until today, but now there are a handful of images and some words to be found here

And now the summer has snuck in, don’t let the cold fool you xx