There’s so many of us, filling up the corners of our world and pushing against the boundaries of what we can understand as human nature. How do we define humanity now, in a world where the more we create the further from each other we grow?
How can I show you how I see the world? Who am I to you?
Twelve Compound Thoughts showing at All of This and Nothing – Group Show at Woodland Creatures, Leith Walk from the 5th of October 2015 for two weeks.
I never thought of it as an ugly structure, nor did I dislike it as being an industrial blot on our quaint coastline. Its vastness intrigued my childish sense of the world, feeling no more small against it’s size than I do now. Cockenzie Power Station is the largest structure East of Edinburgh until you reach the delights of the Cement Works and the Nucelar Power Station, though you cannot get so close to either. Between the sheet metal and sea you stand on gravel, eyes and face thrust upwards to attempt comprehension of the sheer scale of these smooth extrusions with no reference point against the infinity of the sky. This squat bulk and two pillars with it’s cladding of pipes and industrial mess made clouds for me and my brother before becoming an unseen in plain sight part of our decent into adulthood. Now years later I walk around it, seeing it’s insides for the first time and feel oddly sad.
Goodbye old friend, I guess we’ll get our clouds through the normal precipitation route from now on.
I have been underlining this fact in my words ever since my swift rejection from the Horizon Centre’s PhD programme. It’s there in my conversations about the interview, edging my words with a glitter of doubt and the supportive words and encouraging motions from friends, family, strangers remind me that I’m the only one I need to convince of this fact.
So… It wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t the right thing. Maybe later, maybe something else – still an achievement to be shortlisted. Doubt glitter static fastens itself to me in droves and I share it around, looking to be comforted in this act of sharing. Glitter, as a friend once told me, is ‘the herpes of craft supplies’ and almost (but not quite) impossible to get rid of. Share it around, rub it off on someone else and generally get on with it, girl.
Coming out of a month of receiving possibly life changing emails, prepping for the chance of a new life I felt deflated and drained. Ready to pack it in and hide in a cave of my own creation. The BCCA residency, which I had applied to at the beginning of the year, was a goal post on the path away from all of that. If not this residency, then what was I bothering with all of these lengthy applications for anyway.
I did it, it was great. I have since not transcribed over a single word until today, but now there are a handful of images and some words to be found here
And now the summer has snuck in, don’t let the cold fool you xx